By Jacki McLenaghan
Despite my cheeky exterior, what you may not know is that I am a recovering people pleaser. The reason that I share this personal info with you is because I have recently learned a secret that I believe has the ultimate power to heal this deadly curse. Before I give you this golden pearl of wisdom I must first quantify my earlier comment by explaining why I feel that people pleasing is so detrimental in both business and in life. First of all your eyes say “no” but your mouth betrays you by uttering a foul yes. That can get you into a lot of trouble. “Of Course I Can Do That For You.” “You want it for free…sure no problem.” It is the dreaded over promise, over deliver and spin your wheels in that hamster cage of always wanting to please everyone, all of the time. What do you think happens…stress…burnout…and perhaps even death! Ok maybe not death but as you are experiencing the unpleasant side effects of your damn pleasant ways, a new sensation starts to flood your body – a sort of reservoir of fuel to revive your senses during this trying time. That fuel is offense! “How dare everyone expect so much of me?” You turn a tired blind eye to the fact that you have single handedly set up these unrealistic expectations…not them. Your offense grows stronger by forgetting the simple fact that in 100 years from now, none of this will even matter, it’s just not that important. And as you stand in your own offense, taking yourself waaaaay too seriously, it suddenly hits you. It doesn’t have to be this way. Here is where the juicy nugget comes in. To stop being a people pleaser you only need to do three simple things:
- Stop being offended. It really is as easy as making a choice.
- Don’t take yourself so seriously. It was a very freeing day when I realized I wasn’t that important.
- And finally, you don’t need to take B.S. from anyone…yourself included.
Set up proper expectations. Develop strong processes and you won’t have to say yes to every last little thing. Most importantly, recognize your own value, because if you don’t then no one else will. Ironically by caring for yourself and incorporating these three principals the side effect is that you will be happier, more confident and inherently more pleasing to others.